Thursday, December 28, 2006

Year XIX

This post is a little sentimental, so if you can't stomach sappiness, check out of the archives for something a little maschuliner.

On this fateful day exactly nineteen years ago, the wrath of God was unleashed into the world in the form of yours truly.

Over these past 19 years, I've met a lot of people. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to give some props to all those who've been part of my lifestory.

-My peeps in Rossford who knew me until the third grade.
-All the people in Bedford, no matter how much of a hillbilly you are.
-My neighbors, even though you're total pricks.
-Those Marching Titans whom I knew every intimate detail regarding your personal lives.
-All those crazy St. John boys.
-And the teachers. Yes, that includes you, Morrison. You gave me something to laugh about and hate at the same time.
-The beautiful St. Ursula girls I knew.
-All those intelligent Notre Dame girls I knew.
-My Gautemala and New Orleans fellas.
-Anyone in a show with me, from Bedford, to high school, to TCAP.
-My co-counselors at Lakota, even though you were all guys.
-Those crazy college kids I hang out with now.
-And of course, my family, who's total insanity has inspired many interesting storylines.

I'd also like to thank now all those who haven't yet met me but will in the future (Like you, Ms. Lohan, or you, Bono).

So, yeah. Happy birthday to me. (you can sing the song now)

Let's get drunk in Canada,
Barry

Monday, December 25, 2006

An Eitel Family Christmas Pt. I

So this Christmas, like most recent Christmases, I've been trying to find the "true spirit of Christmas," much like that Charlie Brown fellow.

I have discovered that it is not in the song "The Christmas Shoes," which is perhaps the worst Christmas-related tune written in 2000 years. Not only is it depressing and puts a damper on the whole day, it is incredibly stupid. What kinda person would want shoes to put on before they die? I would much rather want anti-biotics, or at least morphine. However, now that I have realized how awful a song "Christmas Shoes" is, I can't wait to hear it whenever I listen to 101.5 The River's Continous Christmas Music Insanity. If I ever go to a Christmas party and there is karoki, I mos def am doing "Christmas Shoes."

Anyway, back to real life. I finished all my shopping for people on Thursday after a quick trip to Kohl's and the mall (which I hate going to if I'm not getting paid to be there, BTW). I got some pretty sweet stuff, like a robo-dinosaur, and a pirate book, and a chocolate fondue thing that I say is for Mom but is pretty much for me, and a hat...pretty exciting. Wrapping is another story. I suck. I'll have to post up pics soon if I can get a working camera, because it's pretty sad. Alas.

We bought a real tree this year after I dropped a random hint I wanted one over Thanksgiving, which kinda blew my mind. However, we didn't really have a true topper for it. So Friday I got the idea to go up to Frankenmuth (Michigan's little Bavaria) and buy a tree topper at the largest Christmas store in the world (go big or go somewhere else, that's my motto). Unfortunately, none of my friends wanted to make the 1.5+ hour trip up there. Somehow I convinced my dad, and so me, my father, my insane little sister, and my cute little sister (we sorta kidnapped her) went on a noble quest to get the tree topper, although I seemed to be the only one really loyal to the cause. We did a little site-seeing; it's very pretty there. They have lots of kandy (German for candy), and the people who serve it look like they belong in the "It's A Small World" ride.

Finally we got to Bronner's, and I got lost among the Magi, dancing snowmen, and novelty chili-pepper lights. I finally found a glorious tree topper--an angel with these crazy fiber optic wings. I told my dad about the pressing need for one, and we got it. Then I drove the hour and a half home in rain and general nastiness (the Christmas Shoes song never played, to my disappointment).

Christmas Eve was interesting. I took my crazy sister out to buy Tim Horten gift cards for my parents in the morning. Then I came back, saw the holiday Office special, ate a good dinner, went to Church (which was incredibly hot considering all the C +E Catholics came out of the wordwork), suffered through my little sister having a complete meltdown and semi-ruining Christmas...

Then I hung out with a good friend of mine at his step-dad's family's Christmas celebration. I made a few good pedaphilia jokes in front of toddler parents, and then took off back towards my place. There we watched some Christmas Story (very good movie) and had some Grogg (it's Swedish) and then I drove him home. Over at his house we had long discussions about family, tradition, and this thing called Holiday Spirit. I left at about 3 AM, after the radio played "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas," which, coincidentally, is one of the best Christmas songs ever thought up.

The last few years I have trouble around Christmas because I'm older and I feel like I've lost something connected to the season. I used to love this time of year, but global warming, my family's general dysfunctionality, and our lack of Nutcrackers have all taken a toll on my Christmas spirit. However, I think I've finally been able to overcome these obstacles. I'm trying to think of something deep to say, but I can't really come up with something. But while we were lip-syncing to "Hippopotamus for Christmas," I realized I've been able to finally be at peace with Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all....and to all a Good Night,
Barry


P.S. La la la la, look at the bells, look at the bells,
Holy crap here comes Jesus
And he doesn't look too happy...best Family Guy line ever..

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Some Official Late Fall/Winter Movie Reviews

So, I've been seeing a lot of movies lately, and since I'm home and have nothing to do at all, I figured I'd kill some time by sharing with you my thoughts on certain recent cinematic events. I think I just might be all caught up on what I want to see, so I figured this was a good time....

Borat
I saw this the first week it was out. Not gonna lie, probably one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. And most people would agree with me, besides perhaps our friends the Jews, the Christian right, blacks, Alabamans, homosexuals, frat boys, Kid Rock, and pretty much anyone else who isn't young and white and sheltered. Either way, I thought it provided some of the best satire of the American view of the outside world through the mouths of Americans. What is even funnier, I think, is that someone was telling me how she was telling all her friends that Kazakhstan (sp?) was a real country, and her friends were like, "What an idiot, she doesn't get the joke. It's made up." Not so, douchebags. Not so. Better brush up on your former Soviet Eastern European nations.
My Rating: Wary Nice!

Casino Royale
I went into this movie thinking, meh, James Bond. He gets a lot more action (in all sorts of ways) than I do, so naturally, I can't say I love the guy. This movie could be my favorite Bond movie, and I've seen quite a bunch. Peirce (sp?) Brosden can suck it. I like it cause he straight up kills people, he's so, as the late Rick James would say, Cold...Blooded. Note how the Ugandans are the bad guys, after all the "Invisible Children" publicity. I also wonder why the Bond franchise have never resorted to using the sterotypical crazed A-rab terrorist. Maybe they think they'll be killed. Those crazy Islamists (jk jk. Don't kidnap me).
My Rating: Good one!

Deju Vu
No connection with the gentlemans club (calm down, fellows). I saw this most recent Denzel movie after leveling a stop sign with my car. The excitement of the movie didn't match the trip. It's like an hour and a half CSI. Plus, the crazy time bending concept wasn't really explained too well. The chick was pretty hot, I will give them that.
My Rating: See it on DVD when you and your buddies are wasted. That 's more advice than a rating, but it's my house, my rules. Jerk.

Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny
At first I thought this was going to be some sort of Andrew Lloyd Webber metal musical, so I was pleased when someone had some dialogue. Although a lot of the humor appeals to seven year olds (and some 18 year olds), I still found myself having a laugh and a half. It also requires a bit of an interest in classic rock/metal, so be forewarned if that is not your cup of tea. Either way, see Borat first.
My Rating: Pretty righteous.

Apocalypto:
Despite Mel Gibson being a bit of an anti-Semitic Austrailian douchebag (though I can't say I'm a whole lot better, and he is richer than I am), he's still a decent director, and I was pretty pumped to see his newest Maya epic. I loved it, even though it was in subtitles. It's pretty violent, so be forewarned, you ladies (and girly men). Actually there's a lot of "Oh snap" moments, such as "Oh snap, dude just got his heart pulled out" or "Oh snap, dude just jumped off a waterfall and hit a rock." BTW, definitely buying this when it appears on DVD.
My Rating: Oh snap, dude just got his face eaten by a panther.

Hope this blog has helped you in your filmatic decisions. I think I'm going to go make some cookies. Feeling a little domestic today.

That is all
~Barry

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Something other than what I should be doing

Huh, this week is finals week. And I have a pretty locked and loaded schedule. I had my DSTP exam today, my "crafts for the stage" one tomorrow (kinda a joke, not gonna lie). Then Thursday I have a philosophy exam, and a philosophy paper due, and my anthropology exam (it's like 9 blasted pages of single space hell) is due on top. And then Friday I have my Virtuous Eating. Then I will have made it outta the dark tunnel and into the beautiful Black Swamp region. Did I mentioned that the d-bag who made the schedule at work has me closing last night, tonight, tomorrow night, and Thursday night? There's the catch, how can me not fail skool with my nights taken up? Study during the day? Are you kidding? I'm too busy wasting my life doing this.

This weekend was...eventful. I worked Friday (I'm getting pretty good at the closing gig, mostly cause I cut a lot of corners and I know that appearences are everything. Muwhahaha....if you're a future employer of mine, I'm just kidding of course.) Saturday was the closest thing to a high school dance involving me since, well, high school. A lovely friend of mine accompanied me to a performance of "The Nutcracker" by the Joffrey Ballet (there really world-renowned, for all you swine out there). However, before we were a little late because her whole floor was involved in dressing her up. There was even the prom mom to take a poloroid of us (I haven't seen it, I have feeling I look pretty goofy..not that I don't all the time).

Let me throw this out there and I'm not gonna get into it because I'll get all perturbed: Public transportation is not the classiest way to travel.

The ballet was pretty good. Not gonna lie, I was entertained. Plus, I've never actually seen Nutcracker. Afterwards, we walked about 7 billion blocks to Cheesecake Factory, which was delicious.

Until about 5 AM the next morning, when I started vomiting violently. I had probably the worst case of food poisoning I've ever had, I'm guessing from the cheeseburger. I think I'm going off beef for a small while. I mean, I could barely hold down water. It was nuts. I know, I know, it sucks that you didn't know about it while it was actually happening so you could offer your condolences sooner. Don't worry, I forgive you.

Then during study day, I went to the Michigan Ave (say it ave, not avenue. It sounds more chic). I decided to continue my tradition of giving socks to someone for Christmas, because, honestly, is there a suckier gift than socks? Psyche! There $16 socks from the 5 story Polo store (marked down to $4.89, but that's beside the point). Anybody would be proud to don these babies, lemme tell you.

I really should be working on something meaningful, it's pathetic. I'm sorry.

Remember, time is the enemy of cheese,
-me

Monday, December 04, 2006

Loose Change...pretty tight

This is one you might wanna read in your basement with an aluminum foil hat on.

Politically, I try not to dabble in the whole left-right spectrum. I think both Republicans and Dems are nowadays whack groups (although I do like hard-core liberals better than hard-core neo-cons). After reading some interesting literature and meeting some people, I would have to say I'm in the anarchist camp. Would I blow up a Wal Mart? We'll see, they don't have them in Chicago. However, considering this is a personal blog and not a hardcore political one, I'm not gonna shove some views down your throat....and then show you pictures of my cat.

However, I heard about a video today, and after watching it, my mind is not far from being blown. It's called "Loose Change," and it basically lays out how 9-11 was a act of state terrorism committed by the United States government. Not gonna lie, they have some semi-convincing evidence. Supposedly the movie is gonna go to theaters sometime in '07. I have my doubts about that, but it is one of the most watched movies on the internet.

Here it is:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7866929448192753501&q=loose+change&hl=en

It's long (about 1.5 hours), so give yourself some time to watch it.

And then here is a blog created solely to refute it (hey, man, I'm all about balance....and honey mustard, but that's a different story):
http://screwloosechange.blogspot.com (I love that title)

Anyway, check that out. Arm yourself with knowledge, that's what I say.

Barry. Out.

P.S. Yes, I know I'm going to be blacklisted for this. I'm pretty sure I am already, though.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Mark your calenders: Some weekend in Feburary

Steak knife. Card Shark. Con Job. Boot cut.

Those are just some of the lyrics of "By the Way" by RHCP, who are coming to Chi-ville Feb. 27th, and I kinda need to go to that.

By the way (see, it all goes together), I did get into Loyola's production of "The Visit" by Freddrich German Guy (I have no respect for anything). I'm First Man, but don't let that fool you, I have lotsa lines. Considering the play takes place in Germany, I think I might give myself a fitting name such as Adolf Schwartzinager. We'll see, but not until second semester. The weird thing about getting into a play is that whenever I see a theater major they offer their congratulations. People I didn't even think knew me are all like "Hey, congratutions" and I'm all like "Hey, thanks. Same to you." Honestly, however, I don't have the cast list memorized, so I might be congratulating people who didn't get in. But really, it's so weird that the whole community knows I got the part. Weird.

So, Cinderella auditions were today, I am almost positive I bombed them. I didn't really have real piano music, found my monologue at 3 AM the night before on the internet, and the dance audition was the most intense dance audition I ever have been in. It was straight up ballet. Because I knew there was no way I could do it actually, I tried going for "goofy." Unfortunately, I think the choreographer was looking for "good." I'm not called back, so we'll see. Honestly, I am not going to be too sad if I don't get in, considering that I nailed it in The Visit. And, this is Barry speaking from the heart here, Cinderella is probably one of the suckiest musicals ever. All the music is waltz, the same waltz. Rogers and Hammerstein wrote it for TV. I'm not even joking. But, it would still be a blast to be in, so here's to getting in.

I saw "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" tonight....I'm going to have to have a winter movie review, because I have been to the theaters a lot recently. More on this later.

And I get back from Campion to Mertz at 4 AM to find out there was a fire drill in process. In 20 degree weather. But, I wasn't too pissed....at least I walked in on it, and didn't wake up to it. When I walked up to Mertz, there was a girl making out with some random dude. Then she walked up and I told her about the fire alarm, and we talked for a little bit. So at least I met someone knew (if she remembers me at all). She had a lot more of a liquid coat on at the time; I only had one Corona all night (yeah for free good beer).

I found out today that I close at work Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and next Monday. I might slit my wrists before next week....thank God I still have that option.

And the beat goes on,
B-arry